


Submersion

by ivysea



Series: Dealing with Feelings [3]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-15 23:48:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21026756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivysea/pseuds/ivysea
Summary: He was so in love with Ian Gallagher he would’ve given him a thousand chances. But things were different now. Mickey had to be different too; even if it hurt like a bitch...........Maybe it really was too late. He’d pushed Mickey away one too many times and now it was permanent. He was a fucking idiot and he knew it. He knew it as Mickey faded into the distance. He knew it as the wind picked up and sting his cheeks. He knew it as his knees gave out and he sunk to the curb.





	Submersion

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go! The final piece. Also, I tossed a bit of a Sierra/Mickey friendship in there because he needs friends and she fit with my storyline. I'm not trying to insinuate that they would get along canonically or anything. She was just there so I threw her into the mix. Anyway.... enjoy!
> 
> PS.  
This is told in both Mickey and Ian's perspectives rather than just one! It's broken up pretty clearly so I hope it makes sense :)

It had been months since the dugouts. Mickey didn’t call Ian again. Yeah, he still thought about Ian all the time, but he couldn’t risk hurting like that again. Despite never reaching out again, he took Ian’s words to heart, he wanted to live a life that didn’t revolve around getting his shit wrecked by a redhead with a boyfriend. He cleaned his fucking apartment and bought actual furniture for once. Then, he invited Sierra over to hangout. Like friends. Because they were friends, he had a friend. He had a fucking life.

  
Eventually, he allowed Sierra to start roping him into going out on Saturday nights. Sometimes, Lip came with them and got shit faced and made them laugh. He and Mickey had formed a tentative friendship, never speaking of Ian, just joking around and picking fights with bastards at the bar. Those were the best nights. He’d never had people to stumble home with at the end of the night before. Usually things were good like that. But sometimes, Sierra told Lip to fuck off and that they were done. They reminded him of the way he was with Ian. Turbulent and wild at their best. But that’s not what he wanted anymore, he just wanted something stable and solid. He wanted Ian.

“Hey, tough guy, what’s the plan for tonight?” Sierra called as she swept into Mickey’s area with a pile of dishes. He laughed as the dishes toppled into the sink and she gave a sheepish smile.

  
“Fuck if I know. You’re the one plannin’ this shit.” He said, picking up a plate.

  
“Well I wanted to go to that cute bar by your place, but someone got us thrown out last time.” She laughed, giving him a playful glare.

  
“Not my fault those punks were lookin’ at me funny.”

  
“Mickey! They were checking you out!” She laughed.

  
“Fuck that.”

  
“Come on! Don’t you ever wanna get some? You’re hot, the boys love you. Hell, most of the girls love you too.” Sierra said, placing her hands on her hips and giving him a look.  
Mickey knew she was right. He knew he should start fucking around with someone again. He deserved to find love and happiness and all that bullshit. But really, he wanted Ian, not some guy from the “cute” bar by his apartment. It had been months, and he still hadn’t gotten over the way Ian had looked at him that night.

  
“Okay since you’re clearly not gonna talk about this with me, I’ll just see if Debbie will watch Lucas for a few hours and we’ll see where the night takes us.” She winks and sweeps out of the kitchen, making Mickey laugh.

Cut to that night and Mickey was throwing on a t-shirt and jeans and listening to Sierra talk about her shift. “I honestly just want to quit sometimes. Some of the customers are so gross!”  
“Too bad you need the fuckin’ money. Gallagher ain’t a rich man so you don’t have a fall back plan either.”

  
“Mickey I’m not actually going to quit!”

  
She better not, Mickey thought to himself. He liked having a friend. Even if said friend spent all her time with the one family he was trying his hardest to stay away from. God, he missed Ian and his stupid jokes and his eyes and his hair and his smile. He missed everything about him.

  
“Okay, ready to go? I know the perfect place!” She said, taking his hand and dragging him out the door.

  
________________________

  
“Can’t even remember the last time we did this shit.” Lip grinned, tugging on a clean shirt and waiting for Ian put shoes on. Ian smiled. Things had been extra tense lately, with Mickey at the diner constantly and his new friendship with Sierra. He could hardly see Lip without risking a run-in with his ex.

“I’m surprised Sierra’s so cool with it.” Ian said, feeling regret wash over him. The dig at Lip’s “friend” was harsh. She’d never done anything to him other than befriend Mickey- a grown man with his own life and ability to make decisions.

“Surprised your boyfriend pr girlfriend whatever the fuck isn’t over here cryin’ about it.” Lip snapped back.

“How many times have I had to say this? He’s more than fine with me hanging out with you.”

“Well it’s not really his choice is it?” Lip asked. His words were scathing, seeping into every crack in Ian’s relationship. He loved Trevor. He did. But god, he wasn’t Mickey. Their fights were whiny and sad and there was no fire. It was all soft and comfortable. It was too perfect.

“So where are we going?” Ian asked. Lip had texted and asked if he wanted to go get a drink or something later. Kind of a “guys night” since they never hung out anymore. Ian knew it was true and he knew it was due to Trevor. It wasn’t that he hated Ian’s family, he just claimed that they weren’t accepting and shit. Which, to be fair, they could’ve been better. But the real problems only started once Mickey started working. for Fiona.

“Well there’s a great place over by the apartments on fifth but I fucking got kicked out so that’s a no.” Lip groaned.

Ian barked out a laugh. Of course his brother would’ve gotten kicked out. “How’d you manage that?” He asked, hoping for a retelling as they walked out the door.

“Okay so first of all, the guys there were fucking losers. Acted like it was their first time on the South Side.” Lip laughed. “Then, one of ‘em says somethin’ about Mickey’s hands and he goes fuckin’ ballistic.” He continues.

“Mick was there?”

Lip’s laughter stops. “Well, yeah, he sometimes comes out with us. But anyway, these motherfuckers wanna take it outside. And I know for a fact Sierra is gonna go “born again virgin” later if I don’t help her friend out. So I punched one prick in the face before we even got outside and now we can’t go back.”

“Ha. So Mick’s back to his usual shit?”

“Actually, no. He’s so much more tolerable now. Even Fi is starting to warm up at work.”

“Holy shit.” Ian knew he should be happy for Mickey. He knew he should want the other man to move on with his life and make friends and get over Ian. But thinking about him living his life with friends and a job and an apartment made Ian so fucking sad. He gave it all up. For what?

“Fuck that though. There’s plenty of shitty bars to go to.” Lip grinned as they approached one of said bars. As they walked in Ian pushed his sadness away. There was no point wasting his night moping.

Lip led him up to the bar, grabbing two beers from the bartender and handing one off to Ian. “So,” Lip started, turning to face him again. “How’s work and shit?”

“Not bad. Yesterday was crazy though. We got a call for a woman over on-” Ian froze. Across the room he saw a flash of black hair and pale skin. Mickey’s eyes widened comically, as if he’d seen a ghost. Ian might’ve laughed if things had been different. If they were together, or even friends, or if he could get air into his fucking lungs.

Lip shifted to see what had frozen Ian, worried. “Oh, shit. I didn’t know-” He began.

Before he could finish his apology, Ian had pushed away from the bar. He didn’t know what he was doung, just knew he needed to get closer. There was nothing he could say to fix things, to make Mickey undertsand him. And yet, he still wanted to say something, anything. He wanted Mickey to stay.

“Mick-”

  
________________________

  
“Mick-” He could see Ian’s mouth moving, hear his name being called. His heart leapt to his throat. No. This couldn’t happen. They were done, Ian wanted them to be done. He couldn’t just come back.

He pushed past the sweaty bodies at the entrance and escaped into the night air; letting the cold wash over him. He kept up his pace, making his way towards home. Ian wasn’t supposed to be there. They were done. They couldn’t be together. Ian didn’t want Mickey; he wanted his fucking boyfriend.

“Wait! Mick!”

He paused for a moment. Did Ian follow him out? Why would he follow him? Mickey had nothing left to give him and he knew it. He put everything on the table and Ian had walked the hell away because he’d already found better.

“I’m sorry, okay! Just- wait!” Ian called out, getting closer.

Mickey whipped around, glaring at the redhead. “You’re what? You’re fucking sorry?”

“Yes! Yes I’m sorry! I should’ve-”

“Should’ve what Gallagher? Should’ve broken up with your boyfriend? Given me a chance? Stayed the fuck away before you made a mistake?” Mickey yelled, pushing his hair off his forehead, seething.

“I know you’re mad at me. And I deserve it. I don’t deserve another chance but I’m askin’ for it anyways ok?” Ian looked so earnest, so real. And Mickey could’ve given in right there. Of course he wanted to give him another chance. He was so in love with Ian Gallagher he would’ve given him a thousand chances. But things were different now. Mickey had to be different too; even if it hurt like a bitch.

“We can’t do this anymore Ian. It's never gonna work.”

“Why not, Mick? Why can’t we just try? Please!”

“Because, Ian, I’m sick of trying my very fucking hardest and then losing over and over and over again! I fuckin’ stick my neck out for you and you let me die! Every god damn time!” Mickey yelled, stepping closer to Ian. “I can’t do it anymore, Gallagher!”

“Mick,” Ian’s voice was softer now, he was inches from Mickey.

Mickey was done listening. Sure, Ian was sorry, but would it last? Not likely. That didn’t mean he couldn’t kiss him though. Just one last time. Then he could walk away and this thing between them would be over again.

So he grabbed at the back of Ian’s neck and brought his face down for a kiss. It was scathing and teeth and heavy breathing and hands everywhere and all of the sudden Mickey didn’t want to stop. He wanted to stay like that forever, right on the edge and too close yet never close enough. It was Mickey and Ian and it was everything.

And then it was over.

“I’m going home Ian. We can’t do this.” He said, heart breaking with every syllable.

  
________________________

  
Ian watched in silence as Mickey walked away. Heart sinking. Maybe it really was too late. He’d pushed Mickey away one too many times and now it was permanent. He was a fucking idiot and he knew it. He knew it as Mickey faded into the distance. He knew it as the wind picked up and sting his cheeks. He knew it as his knees gave out and he sunk to the curb.  
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it over in his hands. He should call Lip, tell him he’s okay. He should call Trvor and tell him he would be a little later than usual. He should call Fiona and ask her what the fuck he should do if he wrecks the best thing that’s ever happened.

Instead, he calls Mickey. It rings for a moment before going to voicemail. At the tone, he decides to leave a message. Maybe he could make Mickey understand. If not, at least he could apologize.

“Hey Mick, it’s me. I just wanted to say something. Or a few things, actually. I wanted to say that I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry for abandoning you and for taking you for granted. Mostly, I’m sorry I ever thought I could replace you. You’re special Mick. So fucking special I can’t even begin to explain it to you.

You make me laugh and you make me cry and you make me so mad, but you also make me happy. I always thought that I had to be stable and over us to build a home for myself. But I think you are my home. You’ve been my fucking home since I was a kid and I want to be that for you too. I get it if you really want to be done this time. I've wanted to be done so many times. But I don’t think we can. I think we’re supposed to do this forever. I want you to do this with me. Forever.

I love you, Mickey.”

With that, Ian hung up the phone. He rubbed his eyes and stood up. There was no point crying on the side of the road when he had a perfectly good bed to go to.

As he walked, he thought about everything that had happened between them. He remembered fire in Mickey’s eyes for their first kiss, and the fear when his father caught them. He remembered all of the anger and the laughter. Then, his heart sank as he remembered the pain. And the stray tears that would run down their cheeks.  
No one made him feel the way Mickey made him feel. And he threw it all away. As he allowed himself to sink into another pit of sadness, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It must’ve been Lip calling to see where the fuck he’d ran off to.

“Yeah?” He answered, putting the phone to his ear.

“Come over.”

“Mick?”

“You comin’ or what?”

“Yeah. Yes! Of course. I’m on my way now.”

With that, Mickey hung up and Ian turned to run towards his apartment. This time things would be different. They had to be. He couldn’t afford to fuck things up anymore.

  
________________________

As soon as Ian tapped on the door Mickey swung it open. His heart was pounding. Hard. He wouldn’t have been surprised if the thundering in his ears was echoing in the room around them.

“Did you mean it?”

Ian looked shocked, and then his face fell. “Yeah, of course I meant it. Every fucking word.”

Mickey scrubbed his hands over his face. Everything was so confusing. He didn’t know what to say or do. He was standing on a line in the sand. One side was everything he’d built since Ian left him, it was safe and real and stable. The other side of the line was Ian, fiery and unpredictable. He didn’t know what Ian’s side could offer him. There was no guarantees or easiness. It would be hard, and they would hurt. But that had never stopped them before.

“What about your boyfriend? Fucking Travis or whoever the fuck.” Mickey asked, knowing Ian had someone else already. He wasn’t going to live in constant competition.

“I’ll end it. It’s just not the same between us. I thought it could be, thought he could make me feel like this. Like I do with you. But he can’t.” Ian breathed, moving closer.

“I don’t know if I can do this again Gallagher.”

“I know Mick. It’s so fucking scary. But I wanna make this work.” Ian reached out and grasped Mickey’s hand. Any other day, Mickey would’ve jerked away, it was too soft, too much. But today, he felt so raw, the touch was a tiny relief.

Mickey looked down at their hands. Intertwined. Like their hearts, their lives, everything. “Fuckin’ missed you.” He whispered, looking back up at Ian.

“Missed you too Mick. So much. I love you.” Ian said, reaching his free hand to cup Mickey’s cheek.

“Kiss me.” Mickey breathed against Ian’s lips. He was trembling, it was all too much. He felt so exposed and afraid. As if Ian would walk out on him, leaving him exposed and alone again.

Then, Ian was kissing him. It was soft and slow, not like before, when he would hold back.

When they separated for breath, Ian pulled back slightly, meeting Mickey’s eyes and grinning a little. God, Mickey missed that smile.

“What do you say? Can we try again? All in this time.” Ian said hopefully.

“All in Gallagher. Don’t make me regret it.” Mickey said back, offering a smile in return.

“I won’t. Not gonna mess it up this time.”

Mickey’s heart soared. Every crack, every tear, every break felt miniscule. He felt okay for the first time in months. They were rough around the edges, and he was still so afraid. But he was happy.

“I love you Mickey Milkovich.” Ian murmured against his lips, backing him towards the wall.

“Fuckin’ love you too Ian.” Mickey responded, pulling Ian in to crash their mouths together.

**Author's Note:**

> There it is! Finally a happy ending! Thank you for sticking with it and getting through all of the sad before I gave you anything happy! 
> 
> As always kudos/ comments are so appreciated :)


End file.
